"Balance Of Terror"

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Mock, Don't IMITATE

Thats right, straight from foxsports.com

Heard the name Scott Harper? You might know him better as the maniac who recently leapt from the upper deck at Yankee Stadium onto the netting behind home plate.

There are probably less painful ways to become momentarily famous, so you'd do well not to emulate Mr. Harper's grab at notoriety. After all, for his troubles he was wheeled out on a gurney and got his name on the police blotter. Remember kids: mock, don't imitate.

Anyhow, it raises the matter of how we'd characterize Harper among other "idiot" fans in the annals of sport. Roughly speaking, there are three kinds of people who inject themselves into the action at sporting events: the harmless idiots, the mostly harmless idiots, and the dangerous idiots. Where does Scott Harper fall? See below. In ascending order of idiocy ...

The Harmless Idiots

Morganna the Kissing Bandit

Remember her? Remember those? Morganna the Kissing Bandit was the buxom, Dolly Partonian baseball groupie who made a fad out of running onto the field and smooching ballplayers. She famously did so to George Brett during the '79 All-Star game, but there were countless other incidents, back when it was cute to run on to the field and the TV cameras would actually show you doing so. She retired in 1999 or thereabouts, presumably due to back problems.

Spike Lee

Spike Lee is the most offensive of the celebrity fans. (Jim McIssac / Getty Images)
Celeb fans are always somewhat annoying (think Donald Trump yammering on his cell phone behind home plate at every World Series game), but Spike takes top honors.
In '94, he jawed with Reggie Miller, and Reggie responded by almost single-handedly felling Lee's beloved New York Knicks. As if he hadn't already eaten enough humble pie, Lee later wrote the forward to Miller's biography. Bragging rights? Well, Reggie can take him in hoops, and he never directed Summer of Sam.

Robin Ficker

These days, it's not so embarrassing to be a Washington Wizards fan, but back when they were, you know, the Clippers East, they nevertheless boasted one of trash-talkin'est fans around. That's Robin Ficker.

In the days of U.S. Airways Arena (formerly the Capital Centre), Ficker made a name for himself by relentlessly heckling opposing players from his seat behind their bench. And he did this game after game after game.

So annoying was Ficker that the NBA began printing on the backs of tickets stern warnings about verbally abusing players. Once the new MCI Center went up, Ficker lost his courtside seats.

The Golden Palace Streaker

Leave it to Golden Palace, the online casino, to corner the market on nude branding. Their flagship streaker is one Mark Roberts, British nudist nonpareil who bestowed his birthday-suited grace upon the synchronized finals of the World Swimming Championships and the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain. An unnamed Golden Palace label-mate also struck at the UEFA Cup Final, and two members of the fairer sex — Brittany Skye and Laura Gosling — hit up half of the PGA's Grand Slams. If nothing else, the gang at Golden Palace is keeping the pixelators in business. They've also appeared at the French Open and on the figure-skating circuit. I suppose the Iditarod is out of the question.

The Mostly Harmless Idiots

Steve Bartman

Yes, the guy who got all up in Moises Alou's foul-ball business on Oct. 14 in the nip-and-tuck 2003 National League Championship Series. His role in the collapse is overstated (since it was a foul ball, and he was entitled to it), and the Cubs certainly get most of the blame for the Game 6 choke job against the Marlins. Still, if Bartman lets Alou do his thing, the Cubs might have been in the World Series. At least he gave self-loathing Cubs fans a good idea for their Halloween costumes.

Scott Harper

This Yankees fan may have only been a danger to himself, but he was still dangerous. (Frank Franklin II / Associated Press)

Yep, here he is. As things turned out, he only hurt himself. However, he did break the law, and if he had the aim of, say, Gheorghe Muresan from 20 feet, Harper most assuredly could've injured someone else. Mostly, it's disturbing that people who would leap from the upper deck are walking around without GPS tracking collars.

Jeffrey Maier

What is it with Yankees fans? On Oct. 9, 1996, in the eighth inning of Game 1 of the American League Championship Series, Derek Jeter hit a shot to right field that Orioles outfielder Tony Tarasco camped under for a sure out. But that's before a 12-year-old Yankee fan by the name of Jeffery Maier reached over the wall into the field of play, snatched a sure out from Tarasco's glove and, thanks to an accommodating umpire, became a Big Apple hero. Official scoring: HR, Jeter; Assist, Maier. So was young Jeffrey promptly disciplined for breaking the rules? Um, not really.

The next night, he was back at the Stadium as the guest of Mayor Giuliani.

The Dangerous Idiots

The Arizona State student body

On Jan. 20, 1984, two days after his father was brutally murdered in Lebanon by Palestinian Liberation Organization (PLO) extremists, University of Arizona guard Steve Kerr took the floor against the archrival Sun Devils. Kerr, then a freshman, would go on to score 20 points in the first half alone. But what was most memorable, sadly and appallingly, was that ASU fans, during the game, began chanting "PLO" at Kerr. While the ASU fans that evening didn't physically harm anyone, their actions were the depth and breadth of tastelessness.

Fan Man

You'll probably recall that Fan Man crashed the 1993 Riddick Bowe-Evander Holyfield title bout. He sailed into Caesar's Palace powered by — wait for it — a fan.

The only thing more idiotic than Fan Man's stunt was that Bowe's brainless entourage beat him senseless while he was tangled in the ropes. If he'd landed in the crowd instead of in the ring ropes, it could've been a much uglier scene. Years later, he would be banned for life from Great Britain for landing on top of Buckingham Palace. Sadly, Fan Man took his own life in the Alaskan wilderness in 2002.

Still, he was probably the most interesting thing to happen in the heavyweight division in 20 years.

Cornelius Horan

If you're wearing a green beret, red kilt and knee-high socks and you're not at some sort of Hibernian street festival, you're probably crazy. If you wear those and attack the leader of the Olympic marathon, you're certifiable. That's Cornelius Horan, a defrocked Irish priest who likes to insert himself, in exceedingly dangerous fashion, into major sporting events. In 2003, he ran into the middle of a 200-mph British Grand Prix. More recently, he bum-rushed Brazilian marathoner Vanderlei de Lima in 2004 and cost him an Olympic gold medal.

William Ligue and son

Fathers, sons and baseball — the timeless tradition of it all! In the Ligue family, that tradition also entails getting wrecked on Old Style, going shirtless and jumping the opposing first-base coach. Ligue, along with his teenage son, attacked Royals first-base coach Tom Gamboa on Sept. 19, 2002 at Chicago's U.S. Cellular Field.

With one out in the top of the ninth, the Ligues emerged from the stands behind first base, knocked Gamboa to the ground, and started battering the 54-year-old coach. Fortunately for Gamboa, the Ligues threw punches like a couple of Sorbonne humanities professors. In any event, only William Ligue can make your garden-variety Little League parent look like a bastion of reserve.

Steve Dahl and Garry Meier

Okay these guys weren't fans, per se, but they deserve a spot on any list of sports-related idiots. Dahl and Meier were two Chicago disc jockeys who managed to talk the White Sox into having an "Anti-Disco Night" (or, in some circles, "Disco Sucks Night") promotion at then Comiskey Park. On July 12, 1979, fans could gain admission to the game for $0.98 provided they brought a few unwanted disco records along. Before the game, Meier walked onto the field with a box of disco records and then detonated them. Then the ramped up fans stormed the field, started a few fires of their own and generally caused mayhem. Detroit Tigers manager Sparky Anderson refused to field his team, and the White Sox lost the second game of the scheduled doubleheader by forfeit.

Gunther Parche

Like the Ligues, only worse, Parche went far beyond the bounds of mere idiocy. In 1993, 19-year-old Monica Seles was the best female tennis player in the world. But on April 30th of that year, Parche, a crazed Steffi Graf fan, emerged from the stands and stabbed Seles in the back. Why? He wanted to see Graf recapture the No. 1 ranking. Inexplicably, Germany declined to prosecute Parche, and as a result, Seles to this day refuses to play in Germany.

Dayn Perry is a frequent FOXSports.com contributor.

thats all for now. i feel all dirty, plugging fox like that

~Oz