"MY WORDS HAVE BEEN SACRIFICED"

It is now 11:15 am, Sunday morning, and I am behind the computer at Blue Wireless in the center of The Chautauqua Mall. So far I have counted the money to go in the register, turned the lights on, and checked out my favorite websites. My Grandmother stopped by to talk, and I had some annoying riff-raff want service BEFORE the Mall opened. No sir.

H.P.o.A. count...11 as of now. I love the center of the mall.

makw that 13 now thanks to Old Navy.

Been thinking about last night. I played poker AGAIN (6th time in a week), this time with my Dad, his buddys, Erik Larson and his brother. I dropped around ten dollars real quick like, and then had to go pick up my cousin who was drunk downtown alone. A little too much fun at Mondays was to blame. Went to his house so he could get money to play with all of us. After several (very good) chugs of glug (H.P.o.A. 15) (two repeat offenders as well), and some swigs at the seagrams bottle, we were off. Back at the game I made a glorius turnaround, winning back my ten dollars, and another eighteen on top of that.

11:35, just had two customers, paid a bill for one, and got swore at by another because her phone sucks, her serivce sucks, she sucks (sounds more like a personal problem to me...)

H.P.o.A. count...19, hell yeah...at least thei..(20) there are some perks to the job.

So back to the poker game (wait, a father just told his daughter that he can NOT steal pretlez for her)... (and these damn quarter rides are damn annoying). Nobody wants to talk to me , they want someone who knows about cell phones, fuck em...

At the game, my cousin was drunk and started (22 h.p.o.A.) being all mouthy to everyone, that was loads of fun. Well lets see what else I can speak on.

EDITED FOR CONTENT. (23 H.P.o.A.) (That 23rd H.P.o.A was Jim "Hinney" Actons H.P.o.A.) damn...24 while were at it.
25, this counter is getting outta hand...

keep your eyes on the screen, eyes ...on...the ...scre...en... william shatner school of acting, help me...now.,...26.

Gotta admit though, this counter is better than the beers chugged counter from days of yore, could be improved however if we combined them.

EDITED FOR CONTENT. Whodathunkit.

EDITED FOR CONTENT
EDITED FOR CONTENT

CUSTOMER UPDATE: Just took a bill payment. and had a customer inquire about the wonders of the family plan...

EDITED FOR CONTENT

And here comes my dad...one minute please.

nevermind, that was NOT my dad, I need new glasses thats all.

EDITED FOR CONTENT
Clarissa (my boss) just called and asked me if I smoke crack...wonderful

EDITED FOR CONTENT

Wow, so it is 12:18 now. Only 5 hours 41 minutes to go. (39 from behind) (5 Hot Pokers Up the Ass)

got to take a tinkle...must not leave post. most destroy bladder, pave way for rebel forces. Viva La Revolucion!

40 now. This is getting high...overload, overload, push the red button!

just made a NEW voicemail message. Gonna change it every day baby! call, find out what it is.

Really, it probably still sucks.

Italian fest is going on RIGHT NOW! And where are you?

I Know What You Watched Last Weekend

Wedding Crashed moved up to the number one spot this week, bringing in $20,023,159 for a 3 week cum. of $115,622,139.

Charlie and the Chocalate Factory dropped a spot gaining $16,384,332 bringing its 3 week cum. up to $148,095,522.

Sky High debuted in the third spot making $14,631,784.

Stealth debuted in fourth with $13,251,545.

The other newbie this week, Most Love Dogs, made $12,855,321 for a fifth place finish.

Fantastic Four fell a morose three to sixth bringing in only $6,912,725 to make its four week total $136,257,616.

The Island is in 7th, bringing in only $5,963,223 for a two week cum. of $24,319,260

In eighth, Bad News Bears in its second week brings in $5,634,919 for a cum. of $22,667,038

In ninth we have War of the Worlds which made $5,481,239 bringing its five week cum. to $218,369,264

And finally in 10th we have March of the Penguins, making $4,030,894 to bring its 6 week cum. to $16,330,241

Thank you.

Update: 42 H.P.o.A. now.

Just spent 5 minutes exlpaning to a customer that we are blue wireless, NOT cingular...yes we sell cell phones, but we are NOT cingular. No I cannot call customer service for you and fix yuor phone. shesh

Talked to my mother, and had a whopping jump in the count...49 H.P.o.A. Hell yeah.

So to show how my musical tastes are ever-changing, I will tell you the last batch of downloads I have off of lime wire.

White Zombie: More human than human, Led Belly: Where Did you Sleep Last Night?, G. Love and The Special Sauce: Cold Beverages , and Recipe. Several tunes by Bo Diddly, Muddy Waters, B.B. King and even some...well your not interested in that.

Well, 50 sure was a special #. That turned out just fine. 51 was right behind.

12:57 now, and I am going to attempt to eat some lunch.

1:16 and were back. Up to 61 on the H.P.o.A. count, 9 Hot pokers up the ass.

Had more customer relation break downs. This is not going well. Oh well, only 4 hours 43 minutes left.

Almost just made 62, but converted at last minute to 10 Hot Pokers up the Ass Instead. sorry. Oh THERE is 62. nice.

And the Customers who have sweared at me count is up to 4 on the day.

63 off in the distance. I swear they are taking over the column. For some reason I can STILL taste the Vodka from last night. Hmm...maybe cause I have not had any vodka in almost three years now!

Time for another feature here

Well, Maybe If You Had Something Constructive To Say...

A study has shown (for real now) that womans voices are harder to hear then mens voices. I actually read an article a couple years ago how when Verizon first came about, women could NOT use their phones. No excuses. Their pitch just wasnt able to be picked up by the company. They had to adjust their towers to compensate. Now a study done in London has shown that the female voice is more complex than the male voice.

"Men deciphered female voices using the auditory part of the brain that processes music, while male voices engaged a simpler mechanism, it said.

The Mail quoted researcher Michael Hunter as saying, "The female voice is actually more complex than the male voice, due to differences in the size and shape of the vocal cords and larynx between men and women, and also due to women having greater natural 'melody' in their voices.

"This causes a more complex range of sound frequencies than in a male voice."

The findings may help explain why people suffering hallucinations usually hear male voices, the report added, as the brain may find it much harder to conjure up a false female voice accurately than a false male voice.

There you have it. Were listening, we just aint hearing ya sister.

66 now. Stay right where you are and I might make you 67 as well. What the hell, 67 it is. Thanks.

Ughh..hot poker up the ass HOT POKER UP THE ASS!!!!

its okay. It over now.

Im back, talked to Joy for a while. We are up to 73 H.P.o.A. now. And no, for you foolish muggles out there, that does not stand for Prisoners of Azkaban.

Thanks to another break in the action we are up to 76. Okay so back to actually talking about SOMETHING.

So I already have my dream teaching position picked out. I want to be able to take a class and show a star trek episode a day and discuss the politial, social, and historical preverance of the episode. Hey, I'd enjoy it.

Was told it would be 25 cents to get a cup at auntie annes. 25 cents. Socialist bastards!

This column is really traveling beyond the realm of comprehension, or thingys.

Time for a story.

Once their was this man, Herbert, who worked all day and all night. He rarely had time to do anything else, his job was so demanding. He worked down at the Happy Go Lucky Corporation. The Happy Go Lucky Corporation was started in 1956 by a man named Edward Brookfield. He had an idea for a better tomorrow, where everyone lived in peace and harmony. Unfortunately he was shot the day the company opened its doors to the public. The Happy Go Lucky Corporation then fell into the hands of one Lester Reings. He saw less the vision for a brighter future than he did the large sums of money he coveted. The company still stated it was focused on a better and brighter future for tomorrow, but in fact it was nothing of the sorts. Machines of war were secretly being churned out at an alarming rate, and were bing supplied to nations unknown. In 1973 a man named Herbert had had enough of his job as temporal warfare mechanic C, and devised a plan. If he traveled back to the year 1956 and assassinated Edward Brookfield, then the Happy Go Lucky Corporation would die. Little did he understand temporal mechanics however, (although he did WORK in temporal mechanics) and he was the dircet cause of bringing Lester Reigns to power. In fact, if he had not traveled back in time, Herbert Brookfield would NOT have been killed by him, so Lester Reings would NOT have taken over. Therefore, he could NOT have traveled back in time to set up this loop reaction that now plagues his life every 18 years. It has been suggested in some circles that he should try once maybe NOT going back in time. Just let Edward Brookfield run the Happy Go Lucky Corporation the way he intended and be done with the whole unpleasent affair.

But as was stated by Miles Edward O'Brien twice at the same time in space and time, "I hate temporal mechanics."

So now lets George Lucas the hell out of this story and figure out why Lester Reigns was so evil.

NO, lets not.

The End.

80 on the counter and all is well.

Also it is now 2:20. Three hours forty minutes to go.

Just informed the fifth customer today that I am NOT the mall office.

Im just going to tell you when the H.P.o.A. count reaches 100. Its at 87 now.

So my dream again. Take it any way you all want it. I put alot of clout in my dreams, even though I dont let people know that (until now). Couple that with the fact that I am unhappy right now, and cant even seem to work up the gumption to talk about the problems which have arisen. Sorry. Sometimes I am a hot bed of conversation, other times I find it easier to discuss my problems in a online manner. For example:

no wait first here is an old school game I posted. Have fun with it. they are movie titles just using different words. Can you figure them out?

1: Courageous Cardiovascular Organ -

2: Many Massive Battles Between Celebrities -

3: Spanish Version of White House -

4: One Subtracted From Eight -

5: A Trio of Male Rulers on the Throne -

6: Those Who Marauded the Missing Biblical Ocean Vessel -

7: Invented Stories Based on the Remains of Mashed Fruit Tissue -

8: Virus Caught on the Last Evening of the Calendar Week -

9: Visage with a Pockmark -

10: Prepared for Fonzi's Idea of a Fight -

11: Warmth -

12: Body Movement to Music in Need of a Wash. -

13: Male Corpse on a Casual Stroll. -

14: Highest Card in the Deck that Shares the Same Last Name with a Certain Governor Who Investigates Matters Concerning Domesticated Animals. -

15: Lacking Any Sort of Hint -

16: Conceived Within the Confines of Our Nation's Official Day of Independance Celebration -

17: The Undertaking That Deals with Lisa Welch's character from the "Facts of Life" being a Truly Evil Girl. -

18: Exiting the City of Sin -

19: The Jealous Four Times Around a Standard Racetrack -

20: Holler -

1) Body of Water Serene

2) A Single Deputized Servant of the Law with a High Threshold of Pain

3) Domestic Fire Breathing Reptiles of Lore

4) Bar-B-Q Necessity Spelunker's Female Child

5)Sharing a REM Cycle with a Hated Opponent

6) Heir to the Throne as a Representitive of an Urban Metropolis

7) In Cuisine Lingo, Usually Found in Front of Mex,<>
8) What Serpents Use to See With

9) The Ones I Have Always Looked Up to and Admired Tend to Play Pro Ball in Dallas

10) A More Superior Direction to Take in Order to Perish

11) Gay Cross Dressers Doctrine of Inference

12) Myself and My Friends Cannot Claim to Play Professional Baseball in California.

13) Home of Leo and Sometimes Virgo

14) Made Up Misdeeds

15) Final One to Formally Give Up

16) Ghoul Exposers

17) Flying Rodent Over the Legal Drinking Age

18) Sightless Appointment Scheduled in Advance

19) Bloated Stomach

20) Losers Who Vehemently Argue Over Picard vs Kirk vs Sisko vs Janeway

these last 20 here are all queen songs...

1: Slightly Less Than Forty But Slightly More Than Thirty Eight

2: A Single Synthezoid (courtesy of Marvel Comics)

3: My Goal Is To Forcefully Get Out of Confinement

4: Everyone is Deceased, Repeat

5: Ernest Miller Chilling by the Pool on a Warm Summer's Day

6: Allow Myself to Remain on This Mortal Coil

7: The Tour De France, essentially

8: The Proper Way to Star a Letter to Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox Arquette, Matt LeBlanc, Lisa Kudrow, David Schwimmer, and Mathew Perry

9: The Won Who Didn't Win by the Conclusion of the Contest

10: Mary and Joe's Brat

11: Parade or Sequence, Whichever You Prefer Since It Means the Same.

12: Vegging Out During The Beginning of the Evening of the Sabbath

13: A Great Fight Between Mythical Monsters

14: Us, In an Intimate Fashion

15: Bret Hart

16: The Homo Liege that Belongs to Me

17: Indirect Suggestion

18: XY & XX

19: What These Chicks Become Once You Knock Them Up.

20: Prolonged Agony by Way of the Chinks

were up to 107 now by the way on the counter.

109.

I will announce again at 125 and 150 accordingly.

Busy day at the mall.

what else, every team in the nhl has made some kind of big signing. Oh, wait ALMOST every team. The Sabres as always will actively choose to not make a big signing, and stick by the players they have already...well unless they decide to just let those players go to. Well, no bother, I am still pumped.

ahh fuck it, 117.

I want to be in the world record book for longest consecutive blogging hours spent on a singular blog.

Im starting to feel like Larry King, jumping seemlessly from topic to topic.

I am bored. There it is. Plain and simple. And I dont mean bored here today at work. No, I am bored with my life in general. Hence going back to school, playing poker every night, trying new alcohol out. I feel a deep desire to shed my skin, and this feeling is creepign that I will not be of sound body spirit and mind until I change the way my life is going. I know this is going to upset some people, I have no doubts or reservations about it, but I have to do it.

I feel like an inventor, or one just on the verge of a religious awakening. For the first time in years, I feel like I have great choices to make about my future. And I am happy because of it.

3:38 now. 2 hours 22 minutes left. Just found out that Im grilling out tonight at my parents house. Good grubbing going on right here.

My sister just read the poem I posted, and bless her soul she nailed its meaning like that. Smart kid that Erika. Lets see what she makes of this Baumism.

Well, I cant find it anywhere. But when I do...

we have breached the 130 mark and are now at 135 H.P.o.A., and an alarming 21 hot pokers up the ass. eww

that bladder problem. yeah. still with me. time to do something about it.

be back in a few. you just know this is when tons of customers will come now. as i type a customer...no just a person leaving a bag of measuring spoons that someone left on the bench. I better announce it over the loud speaker.

How fitting. I go for a break THEN. Of all times, THEN. Who do I run into in the bathroom, but the bane of my existance 10 years ago. Gary Timm. I blamed HIM for EVERYTHING that went wrong with my attempted relationship back then with ....well you all know her name.

What the bloody fuck!?

4:30 now, one hour and a half to go. This is getting slower. 146 by the way on the H.P.o.A. count.

Wow, just had to tell the tale of my arrest back in may. its a great story to tell.

5:10 and Wayne Gretzkeys coaching the Phoenix coyotes, Hell yeah!

sold four phones now. Sweet. Thats 24 bucks in my pocket.

Okay, its time to stop the count and the column for the day. 153 H.P.o.A. on the day, and I lost track on the hot pokers in the ass count, but make the other one 156...its over now! dammit.

Hope you all had fun reading about my day and my damn annoying thoughts (hey, I have to live with them 24/7 bitches!)

onwards and upwards

~Oz